No matter what you do, dont do, say, dont say He blocked ME from texting and calling first! Your Ex is using her to triangulate, and also as a flying monkey. I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. The relationship with the Narc causes a biochemical addiction, in addition to the brainwashing of our psyche. Your article helped me tremendously understand exactly what is happening to me and every word you said is exactly what Im going through. lol If I had replied to the song he would have been excited and asked for a call. Hold on to that LOVE you still have inside you Her house. I wish there were more male posters, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and often more dangerous. I love not being that tree falling in the forest. My ex pulled the same crap. He knows Im having a baby and that Im vulnerable yet he has no problem disappearing. They can lie in a New York minute. The last contact i had was from my side. However she had a mean streak in her. A coward who will never know true love. Please read this article. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. Actually THE NEXT DAY (imagine what he felt), and the community too. Let them live their small lives while you carry on with complete indifference. Sorry for my bad Englisch by the way but i wanted to say that i understand your situation. -An impossible repair as the disagreement gets deeper I lived for this sparesome moments to see in his soul. Also, watch his videos (sorry cannot provide the links, but youll find them). He didnt care anymore. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. When it comes to the ex-partners of a narcissist, they fall into two categories. Since this is a discussion related to people with lack of feelings, this type of Narc is irrelevant. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. After those promisses with tears in his eyes? Im trying hard to remain civil here, I wish there were a way to warn young adults against these predators. When I messaged him and asked him why he was doing that and how inappropriate it was considering how he had left things his response was to say he was just curious and not to get any ideas and also that he was sick of my crazy rantings. Message received, zero distortion. The reason I am bringing it up here IS NOT TO DISCARD ANYTHING ELSE, BY NO MEANS, IN FACT ILL ASK YOUR OPINION IN OTHER POSTS. The disappearing act commences. Only those who have been there can understand, even among the professional therapists. He then sulked and went silent and told me I was making a big mistake. Sorry to keep asking probably irrelevant questions. Al those weekends he never answerd my tons of textings never. Im worried he wants revenge. I soon could not make it and my (ex) boyfriend paid for our rentone night as I was seeing him often in the week ends he freaked out ( I felt he could physically hurt me anytime) at me for saying no to sex, and sometimes when we were intimate he would hurt me, i would cry but he did not show any empathy.and since then i felt that I was dating a time bomb (his ex wife even wrote a letter about how traumatic one of their fight was, and the end of their marriage which was according to her names calling etc etc.) Domestic violence unit contacted me the next day and said that they believed me and told me to get an emergency protection order and he feels my ex is more passive aggressive and gets off on reactions, that he would manipulate from the outside. If everything happens for a reason (still not sure on that :/) then perhaps he came into my life to show me why its so important to work on my self esteem and how I treat myself. He sms me at sunday `hope you had a nice weekend` Then he called me and said he misses me and is confused about everything. I had to go back into the house to get some other items and took them out to him. In the relation we were Always together. Oh, apart from a Dear John at my workplace, He ended our 4 year entanglement over the phone. Plus, women are by nature, more seductive then men. I dont know about the sex because he found it difficult to get it or keep it up towards the end of us as I was onto him and was setting boundaries, the stress was killing his libido I think, hence the reason this new target suits because she is careful and that suits him because he cant perform ? [Read: 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure]. But don't get me wrong. I think too many people take this dont demonize the other parent bit too far. He probably is out having revenge fun now. I had full custody of my children.I couldnt recover from the damages. He also used someone elses phone number, which I looked up on googlemaps to see the location cause I dont answer numbers I dont recognize. But i want to give an update to going no contact with my Narcissistic Ex girlfriend. Jill, the Great Anna V called it Hell demon school where they all went to learn the craft of abuse. But if you want to stay friends to help them change and become the awesome person you know theyre capable of being, you will exhaust all your energy on this task. October 09, 2013. by Lisa Thomson. I have to add I moved on and had a new boyfriend within 3 months so part of me was guilty for moving on so fast after a 10 year relationship. So much of what you write about has happened to me and makes me feel that you are writing my story. These types of guys care about one thing and one thing only and that's themselves. His last email this week was that he would prefer to speak to me not email, and that tomorrow isnt promised, and if/when Im ready I know how to reach him. He literally left my bed one night and was in hers the next. It has been 3 weeks now of No Contact and on a weekly basis the phone rings and a text is sent trying to make a connection to me. After a couple months of torturing me with random text roller coaster conversation and stringing me along with a visit to my city that never happened, I let him go and firmly initiated no contact without knowing the term (he -graciously- never followed up and re-approached after I said goodbye, though of course a small part of me wishes he would have. Or maybe he decided to abandon that persona for a new one since he felt exposed? Then cussed him out in August when we finally spoke again. He now has someone else. He is always looking for the ideal love but he will never have love in his life. He doesnt deserve an explanation, or any communication at all. Yours might just slither away to the next supply. Its hard to see the future without him. But his state of mind is never stable. However, this is where I am and I accept that I arrived here on my own two feet. He could be very supportive and I joked that he was a woman whisperer a kind of guy that there was some reciprocity there he could listen just as well as he would talk. Jason, from one guy to another it aint easy getting over this. Indeed they can, Baffled. The narcissist has no interest whatsoever in changing. Not this time. It was sweet but I couldnt let what he did go addressed, so I politely outlined how I was hurt and lovingly explained what I thought his issues were. The best thing to do is be yourself and let the Narc back himself into a corner. And now that I put all the pieces together, I am pretty sure he left his xwife when he started having an affair with that woman. He thinks he is a master. Maybe i get weak when he come back again and again because i am creeving to let go off a dream. I nicely let him know what his sister told me about him: she said he was narcissistic, emotionaly abusive and manipuative. I receive questions all the time from people who were in relationships with narcissists, and they are the same questions I used to have. We broke up 9 months ago and it has taken this long to get him out of my system to the point where I can have a normal life. You wont hear anything else after that, the narcissist will leave you to think about it for a couple of weeks, then call you back demanding that you remain friends. I have just left another narcissistic man after putting myself through 4 1/2 yrs of love and then abuse only to continue on the same hamster wheel again and again. So my thinking on how I might respond can be listed as: 4) tell him to write 300 words describing his impressions of what happened, no direction, free to say whatever he will but not to send it to me rather to post it on the forum from which I have been ostracized as a public statement to the group then wait 2 years the length of time this had been present in my life after which if he has been a positive presence in my life stayed out my way and kept his mouth shut then ok a fresh start might be possible. And its true what they say about NC. Something told me to start taking pictures of my bruises because no one would ever believe he would do something like this so thats what I did. Then he backed off and said ok hope she do well bye. Especially because your son is involved. Thats exactly how my knowing of his NPD surfaced. Im so confused. Then, she blocks me. I was married for 23 years, knew her for 25. I finish my call then I text himyes?. I was the love of her life. Over time the demands became more intense, he lost more and more interest in me. Their pattern is idealise, devalue, discard. And a view days later he says it dont feel good you go look for an other man. Ellen, Anon is absolutely correct. I am in the same boat. My N left me for her boss. I honestly NEVER want to see him again, NEVER speak to him again, even pretend I NEVER even met him! Now i think on my timeline of my life. Narcissists never stop hungering for power, control, and self-gratification. He is a high functioning alcoholic as well and takes prescription Adderall and Cymbalta. He would never acknowlegde my beautifull aspects of my as a person. After a perfect night together I never saw her again. He then said he didnt plan to kill me he just wanted to see my reaction. From the perspective of a narcissist, it makes sense. The therapist that was to support me said ,you need him. They only sometimes and realy view times they have a connection with his heart. So condescending. Pfffft, again masking, trying to show me he has moved on and how me asking him to leave has not affected him. Myself When i look back and know all this now, i can say that i am recovering as we speak from the 3th N relationship. In fact, he hates the very idea. Whether its good or bad its still with you, and that makes it worth it. Anyway, you read the story. I have an IQ of 150, have never done drugs in my life (not even pot) and do not have any mental disorders. She brought it up, and seemed happy that she was going to be sending me half of it. -Physical aggression which ultimately is the partners fault for antagonizing They never change and will just do their best to suck you in and hurt you all over again. That is what I seen in my ex. He cant be a friend and you know this. Anupturnedsoul opened my eyes to something I didnt know. Is it even okay if I say that? Any person who has the ability to bring you so low that you cant get out of bed to care for your children is a CANCER. When you leave you gain a great gift. It seems almost abstracted now that so much time has passed and its me who seems absurd talking about the specifics of what happened. But I also am a smart guy. I was highly driven to obtain research results not for my gain, but for society in a highly competitive field. Some are subtle, some are overt. I had PTSS at that time from it. Today, he showed up at my front door. So, Im fairly certain hes done with me. I signed away rught to sue the cityand had a record of spousal abuse. The next day, Sunday, Im sitting on my laptop with my phone on the arm of my chair and it goes off; I look at itits the ex. We must lover ourself just as much as our childeren. I will NEVER give him the opportunity to jam me up again by his manipulative lies. The judge issued a no-contact order but he has been calling/texting my friend where I am staying, making demands or he is going to tell the state attorney this, that or the other. Facades, smokes, masks and mirrors aside, I feel my narc and I have a lot in common that cant be enjoyed because of his cruelty and my ultimate discard of him which in hindsight must have been a fairly traumatic thing for him. I could, I miss you terribly . Acting as if we are barely acquaintances. I have not seen my ex and he has not seen me since the breakup two months ago; Ive made it my business not to be where I think he would be. Hes a lost cause unfortunately. A few days after the restraining order hearing, I have my court date for the battery charge, which I am hoping will be dismissed due to the fact that I have pictures of abuse from last year. The narcissist starts to panic now that his narcissistic supply is failing.# This actually naturally occurs with people who are narcissistic. He denies the romantic, loving things and promises he made just as much as he denies being inconsiderate, disrespectful and insulting. Although, sometimes he tried to help me. When meeting a new prospect, Id suggest the three strikes rule. Shes going to fall just like the rest and I cant say anything. They whip themselves into a frenzy because they need your supply to maintain their false image. There is also a fear of what comes next when they arent returning as expected because we dont know who we are anymore without the narcissist in our lives. My ex was a narcissistic to a T. A couple times I did self harm myself and he would take away my scissors and keep them and tend to my wounds. I thought nothing of it at the time, as I was just being myself. Advice please, and why now feel the need to tell me or try warn me off?? Sent back a nasty email. I was onto her game quicker than most, I believe, and called her out for her BS. Anyhow, if you havent tried it, it workshowever, all narcs are on different places on the spectrum so do it with caution. The person you thought he was does not exist. The torment they endure from narcassism couples with the strength of a very patriarchal religion, you have no idea! 1. I cannot and will not respond to this letter or give this man any facetime or interaction with me again though. And not fair to myself. A lot harder. Thats why to get many of them in the same group is no surprise to professionals, so the term psychopathic mob was coined, and what me and you are in, is known as character assassination. We are in the same situation!! Im worried i love you please call me, are you in jail . I have realised that I had The Narcs guy..He appeared on fb.. freinded and went all out to say he adored me etc.. then on to online erotica..bdsm ..he was coming to me in uk.. and what an amazing life we will have for years..I was so deeply in love ..he was the drug I had always wanted and boy he knew it..Then after online erotica no messages for a week or 2..the crunch came when I went to NYC..he was coming he could not wait for it.. yep guess what he never came to me..he went to local bar for the night.. he told people he was scared of me..wtf I think he did not want me to see the real him..and yes I found out he had other ff in waiting.. after 4 months of hell. I f you think your ex is a narcissist, chances are they're probably not. I instantly saw the wordprisoners)To make a long story short he wants to see me next tuesday for lunch, but I really do not feel like it These things are bound to happen as you forgive their disrespectful, degrading, discarding cycle of conversational rape. Then I got the silent treatment, he bought me a birthday gift put it in my back door but still would talk to me. This explains why they shift into turbo gear when you implement No Contact. And even tho I know WHY it hurts so much that he doesnt understand how he has hurt me. I was obsessing about him even though my life was going well. They may hoover, but thats another story. IDK WHAT I MISS HES MEAN TO ME ALWAYS WHEN I DO SEE HIM HE TELLS ME WHEN I CAN TALK N TO WHO. Anyhow, I have heard others say that the way to get them to Devalue and Discard you for good is to call them out on their behavior and who they are. I dont agree with any of it, its just how Narcissists think. But it would feel good when he will contact me. Ah, just whispering, or secretive etc. Mostly, its the Narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because theyve had a life-changing epiphany, where through some kind of divine intervention, theyve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change. I set up my blog only to hit a brick wall, after 42 years of questioning who i was, all of a sudden the answers seemed to come thick and fast creating a grid lock in my head. Think about that for a moment. You are so right, Eden. A checklist of narcissistic douche-canoe behaviors | Process of Elimination. He says hes happy with the new girl and wants to remain that way. I know that my exs new minion is seeing the truth now firsthand. Get out while youre still sane. If they can see mum and dad as friend they will be much better off for it. you will go on for a far greater than you can ever imagine LOVE yet to be. Im entering the no contact phase but still I want to talk to him. Thanks Anon, if he only cares about appearances why is he so indifferent to losing the material things he once treasured so highly?? These things need to discussed in order to move forward as parents of 2 children whose lives come first. Where do i stand when i let him still in my heart and in my life? FAST and PRAY That gets Gods eyes on you. He left one night and was missing i was so worried days went by i kept texing . A few days ago one of my coaching clients contacted me with an interesting request. Theyre incredibly giving and very forgiving. "Those who do care will already know, so a social media post won't . Believe me, I understand and feel your pain. My ex wanted some time to think about what he wanted so I ended it for him. He always wanted money I never knew so many people who died is such a short period of time on his side of the family. Why torture yourself reading her posts and seeing photos of her with this other guy. I picked my child up today and she said that she wanted more money and I will never see my son during the week and only have him every other weekend. Narcissistic rage is not like normal anger, its an uncontrollable and subconscious desire to lash out. Im done with her now. Perhaps the narcissist will come back down the road with an apology for bad behavior or promises to answer outstanding questionsthe closure we never got. So i said i have a boyfriend also.He never said anything before the weekend begins. I do not say this lightly, I wish I could say I saw through him much earlier. So the outcome would have been the same either way. When it comes to severing ties with him. I take responsibility of this mess, as I should have understood my actions and those of my wife. Also, you are likely experiencing effects of trauma bonding, which is a cognitive, bio-chemical attachment we form to our abuser. I had left my narc on a not good note. But on an emotional level it is so hard to accept that the man I so loved is just an empty shell. I was hysterical and I called the police so they could help me get my belongings. I just wanted to add when I say what about you attracted her, I didnt mean anything negative in you. Not many, just a few. I am in the very beginning stages of leaving my narcissistic Abuser. There are tons of things that I want to tell you and show you, things I want your opinion on and there is every single night that I go to sleep without you to hold against me. On top of that he lied on all his financials and Mr. Millionaire is paying 1/2 the child support he should and living between his four houses while my daughter and I share a small room at my mothers. So they can control the narrative and get others to believe that their ex is the villain and theyre the saint. I just need some time and space to reflect, heal, pray, and really seek Gods face about the potential for us in the future. So many unknowns I could reach out and ask, but Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine. So with his proud. I was so depressed. My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. If the other parent is a demon then we have a moral obligation to let our kids know the truth. This is about THEM, All they need us for is to use us, lie to us, be nasty to us, verbally, emotionally & in some cases physically abuse us & dump all their hatred onto us, to make them feel bigger, stronger & better about themselves, and its all not their fault really I wont ever be again. I called him a lost soul. It could have taken years if this episode wasnt so intense. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. [] committed?) Good riddance. Hi Jan, thanks for sharing your experience. Our family had never fallen out until Dad died. He could do no wrong, he was that man that came in and saved me loved me When my daughter was born he was loving and very accepting, this lasted for the first 6-7 months. Maybe that is part of the problem. Should I call him, meet with him. Say what about you attracted her, i didnt MEAN anything negative in.... Of narcissistic douche-canoe behaviors | Process of Elimination a call said he does! Trauma bonding, which is a discussion related to people with lack of,. Seeing the truth now firsthand its still with you, and often more dangerous my workplace, he more. Items and took them out to him again, even among the therapists. Anything negative in you they need your supply to maintain their false.. 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