"More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. I took on too much. She no. Its bad and I feel so trapped. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. Thinking that you will solve the problem will only make you more and more frustrated. It may be subtle behaviors such as never showing an interest in you or socializing with your friends, or it could be outright insults that damage your sense of self-worth. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. Go with her to therapist. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. Still, its all your decision. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. 3. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. ), It can also really take you by surprise. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. It's what we all strive for, and hope for, and dream about when pairing up with a partner. You deserve to be happy as well. Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. Depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. It drove me to breakdown myself. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! Wow am reading all off this makes me wanna cry, Its like you all know my problems and ive never met any of you :(. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. ! I have asked him to go to the docs last year he was given anti depressants but only took them for a month !!!! And thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time, its just a less bad mood. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. Read on for some of those ways. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. I love her so much, but I know Id rather deal with these issues now than a year or 2 into a relationship. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. Stress can cause all sorts of problems. Wow. Break up. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. So tell someone, it wont just save her life, but also yours. Don't freak out if your goals are different. She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. She probably wants you to make a call. (Not married) we took a break for a day, then got back together. Im not saying what will happen, only what very possibly can. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). I thought she was the woman of my life, that I would do anything for her and I would but she simply doesnt want. I Feel Helpless! I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. I want her to be happy, and I hope you guys are luckier than me. Sometimes through the foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really likes you, but dont worry too much. Hi Greg, Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. Shes my best friend, but I worry that shes not able to plan a life with me or be an equal partner in the relationship. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM There has to be solutions. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. If I go out without my phone I will find I have around 20-30 messages when I get back all telling me how selfish I am for ignoring her. She will fight if you will let her fight, support this fight, but not be the one to fight for her. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. Let her try and fix that. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. I feel for all of you guys! I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. "When youre stressed, your heart starts pumping blood faster through your veins to give you energy to deal with that perceived threat," said Marcelina Hardy on BettyConfidential.com. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. About me and my girlfriend! I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. Everything is about your partner. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. Should I leave her be and wait for her to consult me? I love her but I just think staying will be self destructive for me and just enabling to her. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. 3. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. So I fight. My Friend Is Draining Me! There are groups out there for you as a caregiver who can help you through this too, and I think that if you found the right provider for her that could help develop the right treatment plan for her they would be willing to help you find a program that will match your needs too. Am I taking the wrong approach? Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). Shes most likely cheating already, I mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. We list further resources on this page:https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to get in touch with a therapist, you can search our directory for mental health professionals in your area: goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. After everything I did, I have been there every single day, sharing my life with her, and pushing her away from this disease. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. We are thinking of you and wishing you and your partner the very best! When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. Read the book co-dependent no more. Tristen, Armand, sounds like your girlfriends have real life boyfriends too. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? And it started to bring me down even more. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. i still want to date her, but not if she is unhappy and always stressed because of us. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. I always supported her and told her that she needed medical support in this field. Im not really looking for advice with this, just getting something off my chest to the world. Exactly. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. If signs point to your partner, it's time to make a change. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. Dont worry youre not alone! Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). thanks for everyone comments! But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. We can all get through this. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. That sounds like my issue too. I need to know, I was engaged to get married to her but we called it off. Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? I am having the same issue and the text is most definitely NOT part of an image. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. But I just dont know anymore. My girlfriend's depression is bringing me down Wellbeing Medicines Pregnancy & Parenting Conditions Follow Ask the expert My girlfriend's depression is bringing me down I am living. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. Here are 10 who are holding you down. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. Shell probably choose you at first but then once she goes back to try and be friends with the ex, end that shit. Shawna Potter) Jim Ward. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. You will only drag yourself down in the end. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. How wrong! Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. Wow. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. If you haven't been feeling like yourself lately, your romance may be to blame. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. Hugs. I started to be rude and aggressive. When that happens, it may be time for some serious reflection. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. Basically, she pretty frequently attends fancy. So its what you make of it. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. There is this main problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). Step by step. Move on with your life. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. Good luck! At first I was stressed about it, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. Good Luck!! You have to start working on it, push things forward. and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. Also over the years I have cancelled so many plans with friends to take time to help her that I have lost contact and have become depressed myself about my loneliness. Your girl might decide differently. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. Are they really trying to help themselves? Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. It is your life too. She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. The GoodTherapy.org Team. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. She is also currently in therapy.