I said from day 1 I cant deal with kids and now on top of it those with special needs and a husband who acts the same. Ghosting can happen in any interpersonal relationshipbut in the realm of dating, the term is typically used when someone you have been talking to or dating suddenly stops responding to messages or calls without any explanation. In part 2 of this series, differences in NT-ND identities as they apply to relationships are explored. So far this time it has been 5 days. Dear Renee. Unfortunately many use the silent treatment to get away from the distress and never return to resolve the problem with the other person. Pointless, and a missed opportunity for a real connection (which makes me very sad). Be kind to yourself, seek support and bring calmness to your life as best you can. A lot of times, my mother advises me by asking have you tried ? Or shell say you have to do! And usually all those are what I have done, which makes me feel worse about myself. At this point it has been almost two weeks and I still havent heard from him. Ie; do you consider us together at the moment. Or she would help him learn some Rules of Engagement. It was the best time of my life. You are generous to give so much time. 14 years later he contacted me that we had unfinished business. Plus there a numerous videos on You Tube from my Facebook Lived. He is on to the next woman looking for the Holy Grail I guesshe can't seem to relate in a normal way so obviously to him, it's my fault that things didn't work out. I find out a few days later he was still talking to his best friend. There are a couple of things you can do in lieu of therapy, but very supportive of therapy with the right psychologist. Will he be better with her? If i was 25 years younger the whole social climate might have better supported my chance to walk out. But I havent this time. Being so introverted, I am often initially drawn to very emotional, social people. One of the problems is that sociopaths and aspies can present similarly on the surface. At the back of my mind is the gnawing feeling of what if he isnt on the spectrum and is just being an uncaring selfish asshole? I feel so sorry for some of the women here. He constantly will just get dressed and leave and then come back surprised I got worried about him. Hello , I have interests that I share with few people and like my time alone. The aspie partner may miss the fact his partner is actually seething. I feel helpless and hopeless and so frustrated wanting to give him respectful space and yet wanting so much to talk to him and try to convince him otherwise. He finally walked out on me two weeks before my birthday, a couple of months ago, I am self employed and was not back to work properly because of lockdown, so this has caused me terrible anxiety. Life with Aspergers: Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2) Is it up to me to open the lines of communication or is it up to him? My crimes are just a function of his way of thinking combined with his paper thin skin. Sometimes they would try to be what they thought people around them wanted them to be. He built his first software / AI company in middle school and is outrageously intelligent, as many neurotic people are. But what I have come to realise is that asperger's really is a developmental disorder. I tried to be loving and supportive. Wow, maybe it's a gender issue, but I have never had a problem with being quiet about issues in a relationship. They are not interested in you or your small talk or anything. Time management is a critical skill, particularly after your child had left school and is expected to take charge of their own day. I told him I needed time to think about things and he started to cry, asking if we could still talk and I said yes. Its all about THEM. For the neurotypical: Eventually, things started to get weird. I have been. I believe that is what turned my relationship and for the better. It wore me down because it seemed so insecure. imhere Pileated woodpecker. These people need a government health warning stamped on their head. In other words, ASD can affect many of the skills we need while driving. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. I am also fearful Im looking at the situation as if he were NT. No talking. They clearly do not know what is going on. Its not just that you love him, but you have free will to decide what you want. Key points. While I dont think you have the right to make this decision for her, if you cant break through the defenses and misunderstandings, you do have the right to put your own life in order. You took it for as long as you could, reasoning that they were insecure and suffering from mental illness. But for Autists its out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully you are doing well now (and your friend too!) I totally relate to this . Wow. I feel like he has been misunderstood his whole life and he knows I see him and he sees me. The grand romantic gestures faded into small rituals. Our adult daughter 25 is undiagnosed aspie. No one else had realized how amazing this one person was. I understand that Aspie's tell the truth and that she does not have romantic feelings for me. I questioned him and he got extremely angry and started telling me Im not adventurous and how I simply dont do things right. I freaked out cuz hes depressed and he owns weapons. My boyfriend knows I have anxiety issues and that his silent treatment only makes them worse, and yet he seems incapable of doing anything about it. My husband its his way and the wrong way . And that he was being a bully and abusive. Just herejust here. I sat there watching the TV thinking how miserable my life was. Other quirks. If I cried out of frustration he would shut down and tell me I was exaggerating, to cut my drama, telling me to leave him alone, leaving the room being completely indifferent. I was making conversation in an IM and he took it as an insult. I loved his hyper focus on me. I also wondered if there is someone else. I generally like to stay positive on this blog and assume that people are not necessarily "evil" but simply misguided. There's not a huge amount of immediately visible difference between "lack of emotional connection" versus "inability to convey emotion". Bipolar. If we detatch and back off, accept them for who they are too much, then what is the point? More often than not, it's my partner who resists the change. Details please. He was to me. He was socially awkward but I loved that. Now looking back, he may not have gotten the gist of "proactive" an misinterpreted what I was requesting as a committed relationship. He decided the next day, it was over. Take care. Any insights would be appreciated. It's as if I wrote my story when I read theirs. Aspie-neurotypical relationships often start out with intense passion, then fizzle and devolve into disaster. Your partner who had cared so much about your feelings was now annoyed by them. same thing happened to me.devastating.mostly that he felt so hurt by me when that is the last thing i wud ever have wanted.i just didnt understand what i was dealing. He responded with silence, and then angry silence, and then cold, vicious silence. In the beginning things were amazing. Is this about me or is it a sad effort to keep away a world he does not understand? I just discovered my husband was has ASD(undiagnosed) but still its pretty obvious once you know what to look for! NTs find this action offensive but its actually in their best interest. To try and understand him better. Are you still together? You He will NEVER be able to empathize. How does an autistic man behave in a relationship? Being blocked or froze out for days is really destroying. I believe his communication can improve because Ive seen it improve. Its called sulking or Silent Treatment or Ghosting. I really like her a lot, shes an unbelievably beautiful, poetic person, who has such a true heart. Wow, just wow. Ive done so much research on line and his father had it pretty badly and his older son has been diagnosed. A bond which has now twisted itself into something I no longer recognize. I go between empathy and feeling like a victim of narcissistic abuse. I guess that is what this is???? That made sense. I have been with my asperger boyfriend for more than a year now. I have had a few meltdowns already, I kinda of became way too emotional in front of him. This would go on for days and he would come around to be his usual self. This is the third month since then and nothing. I often think what could I have done differently if I had understood this condition more but its safe to say this is an extremely complex condition that most NTs cannot understand without a lot of support and help. Then, out of the blue, I received a text message: "Darling, I don't want to hurt you, really I don't, but I cannot be in a relationship now, with you or anyone. It's not personal, just a reflection of how the concept of social reciprocity is a struggle for us. After that she has not responded to my messages, and I have ADHD and GAD so this really made me spiral into one of my worst weeks this year. I'm willing to take baby steps to restore the relationship, but if he isn't going to budge or even talk about how he feels, then it seems pointless. How to take back your life, whether they get it or not. All so validating. Its nearly been 2 weeks since Ive heard from him. Same happened to me. Not respecting boundaries. If he is unwilling to work on developing more interpersonal skills, you will always feel alone. Hi Emily! I loved her and wanted her to be happy so I tried constantly to pay attention to my thoughts, processing what was good to say, and which matching expressions to make. Im a writer, and he wanted to read everything Ive ever written. My (suspected) highly functioning autistic child is 2.5 months into giving us the silent treatment after we took away his computer access given the gaming addiction he developed and we had been dealing with for 2+ years. Hed go to work, game, shower and sleep. This sensitive, charismatic person became so awkward and distant in public. However, when the Aspie chooses to shut down, cut off, shun and even get passive aggressive, this has the result of making us feel abused, oppressed, and worthless. What if this person is your child? Please keep me updated and all the best!! We have been together for over 2 years. He cant just put his wife away on hold while gaming takes priority all the time! Young guy in his 20s. In fact, I think the signs were all there and his folks just never paid attention to them. Your partner asked you questions youve never been asked, caused you to explore parts and depths of yourself youd never before explored. Can you explain to us how this thinking isnt inherently self-centered, lacks maturity and reciprocity and, well, is NOT narcissistic? He did something wrong and I came down on him hard. Many writers like Kathy Marshack and Maxine Aston write from the perspective of neurotypical supremacy, pathologizing, peddling paltry stereotypes, directly misrepresenting or ignoring research, and claiming [with painful irony] that aspies have zero degrees of empathy and simply cant understand well, much of anything. I care deeply for him. These robots are programmed different to othet people. Like you all say. From what i have expierienced they Will not, cannot chang because their own trauma in looking into themselves Will Cruseman them too much pain. Then we are both on the same wavelength. Im no innocent party I apologized to him for my cruelty, told him I loved him, and that I was truly sorry. I need advice please. I found that simply leaving him alone helped him to sort things out so I would let him know I was going to go out and just go shopping, take a ride, whatever to keep myself busy and give him space. Nevertheless, I'll try to point out some possibilities. Your decision to protect yourself came at the expense of losing someone you cared for (and cared for you). Dealing with the same. I asked if her boyfriend was going to be there. I have to do this at least for the sake of our lovely daughter. If you canMove onRun And then after another few months, now he's kinda done the same thing, hence why I'm trying to understand aspergers more now, so I know what to do, and if that has something to do with it. He will not want to discuss your tender feelings. Take care. 5. I hurt him and he has recoiled to a point of no return. If that makes sense. They would hate someone privately and yet cling to him or her in public. Hes long refused therapy. But it sounds like he has no idea how to move forward with this pain. When that doesn't work, they criticize me. They need very specialized therapists. I cant make sense of whats going on in his head, whats leading him to justify himself and carry on like this. Ive never been so happy to come across this page. It is very difficult to change the mind of a black and white thinker. Weeks since Ive heard from him, out of sight, out of mind start out with intense,. Not a huge amount of immediately visible difference between `` lack of emotional ''! 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