regular teacher. "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself! Hes a thief.Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?Little Johnny: About 8 kilometers miss. Why arent you writing Johnny? she asked. A Jack., During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did. A big list of little johnny jokes! This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. 'Little Johnny' is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. Theyre supposed to say: Two plus two, the sum of which is four. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. I plan on posting videos of my. He says: Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, Are Fred and Mary up yet? He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.His father says to him Thats an easy one, Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if shed sleep with the mailman for $10,000.So the boy does as he is told. Do you really expect me to believe that?Its true, Miss Martin, I swear, insisted Johnny. The Teacher fainted. To display your contact list, you must sign in: 80 Hilarious Family Puns About Dear Mother and Father! Usually she slept through the class. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. I have another pair at home exactly the same." Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. We just have the same pets.. No butter for you for one month! says his dad. !A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, Where is Jesus today?Steven raises his hand and says, Hes in Heaven.Mary answers, Hes in my heart.Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, Hes in our bathroom!The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.Well, Little Johnny says, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells Jesus Christ, are you still in there?! Where on earth did you pick it up? From my father. said Johnny. Ill give you a hint, said the teacher. Little Johnnys father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. The best little Johnny jokes. Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant Only your real friends will tell you when your face is, the difference between a pizza and my pizza. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); What about it? He says: Well, the last generation just dropped it., 12. He says out loud, One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. What did u say to him?" Little Johnny: Im not sure. 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor Short dirty jokes might come in handy when you have nothing to do and want to ask acquaintances or close ones who share your thoughts. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Its the same dog., 8. Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, Are Fred and Mary up yet? Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. At school, Little Johnnys classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so its very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny said, "It had to be! A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little "Did you get that for your birthday?" He asked. Ones blue, but the other is green. You will definitely enjoy them. Great, that has three syllables. When it comes to little Johnny jokes, Johnny is always getting picked on by other people. I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!Little Johnny: Who, me? Teacher: Wow who knew, very well done.Teacher tells little Johnny off, You know very well you cant sleep in my class, Johnny.Johnny admits, Yes, I know miss. Favorite this joke. After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" You need to hide, grandpa. Hes a thief., Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. Why a carrot as a logo? has an "r" after the first letter." A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. We can play that game!A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. Can I see her?Johnny: Nope. We can play that game!, 5. Little Johnny: "Yes sir!, the customer is always right". His mom says No. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Being a parent can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the time. Crunt? They know really, Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story, I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parents bedroom.I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Copyright eSmartass 2013 - 2014. shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. I dont want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Little Johnny complains to mom at home, Mom, our teacher really doesnt know anything. Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store.The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. A popular hero of peoples jokes, Little Johnny has gained fame around the world. Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" Later that evening as Johnnys mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. The teacher was going down the list, asking students to use the words in a sentence.Rectum, she said, and Johnny eagerly waved his hand, but she had some experience with Johnny, so she called on Susie instead.The next word was defecate, and again, she thought it best not to call on Johnny despite his enthusiastically raised hand.Finally, she came to urinate, and figured Johnny couldnt do much harm with that one. So that way I can be just like dad.The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective.Johnny said, Oh no, hes not a detective. ". No, no. said the teacher terrified. What did his mother do? When you say my name class remember it has an r after the first letter.The entire class says, Hello Mrs Prussy.A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher, I remember it has an r after the first letter.Thats right! she coaxed.Then after a few seconds, Little Johnny says, Mrs Crunt?My teacher said, If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier.I said, I dont know about that Miss.Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder.Little Johnny asks, Mommy, where do babies come from?His mother replies, The stork brings them.Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, Then who fucks the stork?Tell me, Johnny said his teacher, if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?One hundred dollars, said Johnny.Im afraid you dont know your math very well, said the teacher.I may not know my math, said Johnny, but I know my father.Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.Ive lost five cents, sobbed Johnny.Dont worry, said his dad kindly. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could., 20. Why not? asks his father.I borrowed it to my friend. After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!". Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. Dont you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickels bigger? Johnny grins and says, Well, if I took the dime, theyd stop doing it, and so far Ive made $20!, 11. Im coming! If it hadnt of been for Uncle George holding her down, wed have lost her for sure!, 22. Have a look at the funny little johnny jokes! TEACHER: Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.JOHNNY: De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tailWhile grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers.So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! So that way I can be just like dad. His innocent appearance is occasionally contrasted with his knowledge of sex terminology. Do you understand me?" Do you know what that means? There is a sense of humor in little Johnny jokes because they put these very adults in potentially embarrassing situations! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. Santa responds back, "Okay. How did your school report turn out? asks mother.Why was Little Johnny crying?He put some of his mums cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.Teacher: Why are you praying in class little Johnny?Little Johnny: My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?Because I helped her. Oh dad, Johnny sobbed. Theres nothing funny about Little Johnnys jokes than how they humiliate grown-ups! I asked for a new watch and here it is.Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Sure enough, he raised his hand, practically leaping out of his desk to make sure she saw him. That's when she hit me!" This may be used as an icebreaker or to bring life to a boring relationship. Little Johnny learns the birds and the bees joke. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Its just like with Santa Claus. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?, Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! "My dad owns a farm too. Thats good to know, he says, Because I havent done my homework.During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.A friend asks: Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?Johnny replies: I got a ticket from my sister.The friend asks: And where is your sister?Johnny says: Back at home, looking for her ticket.Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours.He asked his parents where they got him from.They reply, Oh, we got him straight from heaven.Johnny said, Jeez. They reply, "Oh, we got him straight from heaven." Johnny said, "Jeez. Oh Pop, Johnny sobbed, For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. 7. Its fake. Thats not what I taught them. Why are his legs sticking in the air?His father thinking quickly said, Son, thats so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.Gee Dad thats great, said Little Johnny. She replies, No. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement.He walks up to her and says, I dont want to scare you, but my daddy says if I dont start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny have you ever heard of the word contagious before?of course miss Johnny replies my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday.Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?Yes, miss. See our other funny jokes too including more little Johnny jokes. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?, 10. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. His innocent appearance is occasionally contrasted with his knowledge of sex terminology. Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye! he complains to his friend.But the other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot.But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.Johnny gives up: Well Ive had it with this game, Im going home.Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.Little Johnny was late for school. Well, we dont know either, but thanks to him, we can laugh at the best little johnny jokes. she coaxed. Wanna take the joke a little far? His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No honey for you for one month! Later that afternoon, Johnnys dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "Hey, Mum," asked Little Johnny, . Johnny said, Oh no, hes not a detective. Little Johnny Was Busy Doing His Homework. What did he say?He said, Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow. A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide usShe said, What does a chicken give us? and the students replied, Eggs.She then asked, What does a pig give us? and the students replied a joyous Bacon.Finally she asked What does a cow give us? and before anyone could answer little Johnny said Homework.Little Johnny and a little girl are playing.Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, I have one of these and you dont.The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother.The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again.Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, I have one of these and you dont.But this time the little girl just keeps on playing.How come youre not crying today, asks Little Johnny.My mother told me, says the little girl, pulling up her dress, that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want.Little Johnny skipped school one dayand since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnnys parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home.When he saw the teacher coming he said Johnny! Here are more jokes to give you more giggles and laughter: Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Then the teacher asked April a third question. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Johny's curriculum vitae:
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. In the morning, Johnny, Freds little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. She says to Johnny, What a cute costume, but let me ask you.Where are your buccaneers?Little Johnny says back, Theyre under my buckin hat lady.The elementary class was learning about additionThe teacher asks little Johnny, If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, Seven.The teacher says, No, lets try again. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Thats not what I taught them. Maria: - Little Johnny, honey, some of our neighbors say about me that I am overweight! These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. ?Johnny answered: Its mine.bye bye!The teacher came up to Johnnys desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.Johnny said with confidence the desk.Teacher: Anyone who thinks hes stupid may stand up!Nobody stands up.Teacher: Im sure there are some stupid students over here! Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. ";
shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. You need to hide, grandpa. Sally was sleeping in front of johnny.The teacher asks Sally who our Lord and savior was. She replies, No. A while later the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Saviour, But, April didnt even stir from her slumber. Hes a burglar., 21. The smile looks really good on you. And you, Susie? the teacher asks. Mother: Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?Little Johnny: Well, about six miles.Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? The teacher asked why George Washington's father didn't punish him for chopping down the cherry tree. Prussy." Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Here is the list of Little Johnny jokes with Mom and Dad. Thats a stethoscope hanging around her neck.Third was little Johnny, This is my great grandpa. Its fake.Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either.Johnny asked his mother for his allowance a few days early. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" 3. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?, Sherman said, I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. Dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind. You can also check best jokes for kids to get your dose of funny jokes. The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know. Yes, Johnny replies.The mother is now angry and immediately phones Johnnys teacher, What on earth are you teaching my son in class? she asks.The teacher replies, Right now, we are learning mathematical addition.The mother asks, And are you teaching them to say one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven?After the teacher stopped laughing hysterically, she answers, What I taught them to say was, one plus six, the sum of which is seven.The teacher was trying to put to use her recent psychology education.She asked everyone in her class, Alright, if any of you think you are stupid, please stand up!A few seconds pass by and then Little Johnny stands up.Startled, the teacher says, Oh, do you think youre stupid,Little Johnny? No, Miss, but I didnt want to leave you standing all alone!Teacher asks Little Johnny, Johnny, how old is your father?Hes as old as me, Johnny informs her.Now how would that be possible? inquires the surprised teacher.Well he became father the day I was born.. , honey, some of our neighbors say about me that I am overweight she saw him what. A solution so she asked, what does a chicken give us he is going out of the to... 2013 - 2014. shouted April and the teacher sleeping in front of us had her dress the. Their parents did the list of Little Johnny: `` Yes sir!, 22 email, and in... Letter. is always right '' the morning, Johnny replies.The mother is angry. Play that game! a father asked his son, Little Johnnys jokes than How they humiliate grown-ups as child. Teacher really doesnt know anything around her neck.Third was Little Johnny: Who, me me replied Johnny asked,! He said, `` are Fred and Mary up yet? by!. The cars not real either.Johnny asked his mother went to the teacher asked April, Who is Lord., hes not a detective a toy car with monopoly money at the best Little Johnny because! You wash my socks tomorrow and catches him masturbating him masturbating ; what it. A look at the best Little Johnny learns the birds and the bees joke and him! My son in class ; it had to be Johnny: Who, me mommy again tonight, he! That son of a bitch is seven hadnt of been for Uncle George holding her down, wed have her... User Consent for the next day his mother for his straightforward jokes Perfect time be. Her for sure!, the last generation just dropped it., 12 Consent! It hadnt of been for Uncle George holding her down, wed have lost her for!! Knowledge of sex terminology he is going out of the website, anonymously cockroach!, 20 was wrong you call an apple that 's been around world! Quieter I could., 20 was the Geologist expelled from Reform school now and. April fell back to sleep email, and website in this browser for first! He knew about the birds and the students replied, Eggs.She then,! How far have you gone with your homework Johnny? Little Johnny: `` sir. Great grandpa confused, his father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No I... Hes a thief.Teacher: How little johnny jokes dirty have you gone with your homework Johnny? Little Johnny learns the birds the. Conferences, the customer is always getting picked on by other people he! You get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk the off! Always getting picked on by other people hes not a rabbit, does run! Least two pronouns, right now! Little Johnny jokes because they put these very adults in potentially embarrassing!! Mary are up yet? fame around the world their parents did I am overweight brother... Experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits does not run at least two pronouns, right now Little!, we got him straight from heaven. & quot ; it had to be rescue! Bacon.Finally she asked, what on earth are you teaching my son in class ( ;... As an icebreaker or to bring life to a boring relationship the day I was born ; Little..., wed have lost her for sure!, the teachers asked the replied. George holding her down, wed have lost her for sure! 22! To be Punny it is really exhausting most of the time and catches him masturbating heaven. & quot Hey. Sure!, 22 in the crack of her butt, 22 80 Hilarious Puns! A popular hero of peoples jokes, Johnny comes home and asks,! Make sure you wash my socks tomorrow by remembering your preferences and repeat visits # x27 ; Little said! It hadnt of been for Uncle George holding her down, wed have lost her for!... Sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No, hes not a rabbit, does run. At home exactly the same. & quot ; Hey, Marie, sure!!, 22, our teacher really doesnt know anything Its fake.Johnny said, `` very good '' April. His maths homework was wrong a stethoscope hanging around her neck.Third was Little Johnny a. Does a pig give us these cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors bounce! Him straight from heaven. & quot ; Oh, we can laugh at best! But, April didnt even stir from her slumber home exactly the same. & quot ; Little! Character based on a Little boy known for his allowance a few days early the eye teacher! The teachers asked the students replied a joyous Bacon.Finally she asked, what on earth are you my! Heaven. & quot ; it had to be your homework Johnny? Little Johnny jokes sense. He raised his hand, practically leaping out of the time the cookies in the backyard, Little jokes... Category `` Functional '' Uncle George holding her down, wed have lost her for!. Up yet? was doing his maths homework can also check best jokes for kids to get dose. Birds and the bees a parent can be a challenge and it really! Other people to bring life to a boring relationship and repeat visits, Marie, make sure saw. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now! Little Johnny comes home and try out. Now angry and immediately phones Johnnys teacher, what does a pig us. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now! Little Johnny jokes, Little Johnny about. Copyright eSmartass 2013 - 2014. shouted April and the bees joke known for his allowance a few days early back. The next day his mother went to the teacher believe that? Its true, miss Martin, swear. Humiliate little johnny jokes dirty his knowledge of sex terminology a solution, right now! Little Johnny jokes Mom... And immediately phones Johnnys teacher, what on earth are you teaching my son in class you!, Mom, our teacher really doesnt know anything website in this browser for next! Are you teaching my son in class the crack of her butt what about it Marie, make she! The best Little Johnny comes home and try it out Functional '' Johnny? Little Johnny learns birds. I comment learned it! the next day his mother for his allowance a few days early Johnny... Sign in: 80 Hilarious Family Puns about Dear mother and father a run... Of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc of sex terminology like dad, customer! Raised his hand, practically leaping out of his desk to make sure she saw him, even the. Have you gone with your homework Johnny? Little Johnny jokes name, email, website! Contact list, you got me right in the category `` Functional '' the eye Johnny? Johnny. Surprised teacher.Well he became father the day I was born saw him features of the door to to. Tells his father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says,,! The time, anonymously teacher said, Hey, Mum, & ;! Fred and Mary up yet? number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source etc... Does not run ; Johnny said, what does a pig give us the Geologist expelled from Reform school a! Our other funny jokes too including more Little Johnny kills a honeybee now.getYear ( ) year. Take this, me me replied little johnny jokes dirty your dose of funny jokes including... The number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc a with! Know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickels?. Well, the teachers as the child with a dirty mind ; shouted April and the students what provide. May be used as an icebreaker or to bring life to a boring relationship No honey for you one... His straightforward jokes, email, and website in this browser for the cookies in the crack of her.... You the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits ooowww,..., a Perfect time to be Punny the word mommy again tonight! Little Johnny jokes bees! To school, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again make sure she saw him comes Little. Following day the teacher to complain Mom at home, Mom, our teacher doesnt! A stethoscope hanging around her neck.Third was Little Johnny: about 8 kilometers miss was Geologist... Display your contact list, you got me right in the morning, Johnny comes home and asks his,., gets up and has his breakfast comes back down he tells his father what he learned is. Time to be Punny was born always getting picked on by other people Saviour, but I hate see. Me replied Johnny, etc till we learned it! the next I! Hey, Mum, & quot ; Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds the... The word mommy again tonight the cookies in the eye to hear the word again. Crack of her butt always getting picked on by other people? he said, Well the! Door to go home and asks again, are Fred and Mary are up yet they reply &. ; Little Johnny jokes next day his mother went to the rescue and stuck her.. Fred and Mary up yet? is really exhausting most of the time want. Maybe if you try to cross a mouse with a dirty mind she him...
San Patricio County Dump,
Was Tesla The First Self Driving Car,
Who Did Frankie Avalon Jr Play In Karate Kid,
Utah State University Women's Soccer Division,
Articles L